This thing came out in my mind today when I took the subway. It's already more than 3 months since I arrived here in France and I realized that I've changed. I've changed a lot. I've changed unconsciously but I consciously realized that I've changed a lot.
From 1 day before my departure, I was still scared of ghost. I couldn't sleep alone at night. I have my own bedroom but I always needed someone to sleep with me in the night. Even it's my mom, my sister or my niece who live in my house. I was so scared of ghost until the point that I needed someone to wait me outside the bathroom when I took shower. Before I came here, except for the food and the homesick things, I concern about this. Ghosts. The first night I slept here, I used the blindfold that the airplane gave me and even though I still have it now, I don't use it anymore. I was so scared to wake up at night and see something hanging on my window. Those scary imaginations that used to haunt me at night.
I remembered how scary it was to look what's under my bed, I couldn't even fulfill the curiosity I had to see what's under there. But now, every Sunday I clean my room and that means that I need to see what's under there and no, I'm not scared anymore. There was only dirt and some kind of spider's nets that don't seem that scary at all. I laughed at myself of being scared to those things.
I also remember when I was in elementary school. Everyone was so childish. In the end of sport class, the 2 teams that was rival on the field, would still screaming to each other on how the other team was not playing fair. I remembered how everyone would be enemies in sudden and in the next day we would talk again as nothing had happened before.
In Indonesia, we have lots of house assistants or maids that help us to do the chores/house work. Cooking, laundrying, cleaning the house, gardening, etc. I am not use to actually clean my own bedroom because in Indonesia, there is always other people who do it for me. That means that I am not use to cook my own food too, because in Indonesia, there is always other people who do it for me.
But then I took the risk of not living in my comfort zone. To actually give it a try to live someone else's life. To go to a place which I've never take a step to or put a step on. To not understand anything since I don't even know the actual language except Salut or Bonjour. To live far away from my family, my mom (My mom told me a story of me when I was little. She went to Mecca to do Hajj and when she got home, I cried like an adult, didn't make a sound, only tears fell down from my eyes and she told me that she remembers it, always, and now it's surprising because now I'm the one who leave her for a year), my twinsister that I look the same and you must have guess how hard it is to actually not seeing her face or fight with her everyday, and my brother who only come home around once per 3 months but whenever I spend times with him, it's either always special, or a doom because he annoys me a lot.
I also remember clearly that people change, and people always change either its drastically or fast. The thing that makes it seem so sad about changing and growing is that, people move too. We get new friends and yet, lost the old ones. The reasons are always varies from one and other. Thankfully we actually live in this era where we can see each other even though we are fort fort loin or far far away in French. But sadly, what starts will ends.
August 26th, 2014. Arrived at Airport Charles de Gaulles, Paris. Met a family which will host me for the first 3,5 months. I thought for myself. Oh! 3,5 months? I have a lot of time to actually spend the times with them! It's a long time isn't it?
But then, it's already the end of the year, I'm changing from Les Célariés to Les Adous in January 3rd, 2015.
August 28th, 2015. The orientation with the other exchange students. We met the oldies, that's how we called the exchange students that arrived here in January. They are people from Australia and Latin America. I met a guy named Paco. His real name is Juan Francis or something like that. But basically his name is Paco. The first day I met him I thought "Oh well, he is the oldie, he is gonna be ther until the end of the year. It's still a long time for me to spend times with him. But then suddenly. December 16th, 2014. He left Lille.
I know that it's still 1/3 part of my exchange year nad it will seem that I'm exaggerating but the truth and trully from my heart. I've learnt a lot of lessons that I will never get if I stay. I've changed and only other people who can say whether I changed to be a better one or not, but the things is that, I grow up because I changed.
I know some people hate changings. Lots of broken up reasons are also because "You've changed". But in my opinion, what's the meaning of the life if we don't change? If we only stay in one place without moving. If we read books but we don't travel. If we speak languages but we don't have friends.
Can you imagine, how would you become if you didn't change from your 10 years-old version? I don't know who will I be if I still shouting to the rival team I played in softball or if I still scared to look under my bed. I couldn't even imagine how would I become if I still don't know how to cook or how to clean my own clothings.
And yes, people changed. Yet those, who don't change, don't grow.